Feelings

Lately I have been having a lot of feelings mixed up together, and this has been causing me some distress. I also have bipolar disorder (along with a few other diagnoses) Top that off with working and going to school, and being in a relationship, let's just say things have been a challenge.  I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she decided to add a medication for me to take at night. 

Back in days when I was active in my eating disorder, this would have sent me into a tailspin. Not only the feelings, but the suggestion that maybe I needed something more medically to help me out. You mean, I can't control this on my own? Does this make me weak? Does this make me crazy? The voices in my head would shout. 

Today it's much different. Through recovery, I am able to recognize and be present to my emotions, and I am open and willing to ask for - and receive - help.

I used to think that somehow something was innately wrong with me.  A diagnosis here, a diagnosis there, and it just seemed as though I was defective.  That took me a long time to work through and process, a long road of self acceptance and acceptance that I am NOT defective, I just have some challenges, and everyone has their own challenges.

So I walk into this day knowing and understanding that I am perfectly okay just as I am in this very moment. And so are you.